Speaks only the truth

Heroes or Muppets?

2006-11-10T18:47:00.000Z

John and I have been watching Heroes recently. Its on NBC in America at the moment, so most of you law abiding people won't have seen it yet. Its pretty good really, apart from the incredibly irritating voice over at the start. If anyone from NBC is reading, get rid of it please.

Anyhow, we've been waching for about seven weeks, and one of the characters, Nathan Patrelli, has really reminded me of someone, but I couldn't figure out who. On Tuesday it dawned on me - he reminded me of Bert from Sesame Street. I think you'll find the resemblance is uncanny.

Left: Bert. Right: Nathan Patrelli (left) with good friend Ernie

I expect Heroes will be on Channel Five next year, so you can judge for yourself, but remember you read it here first.

Broken neighbour

2006-04-21T19:59:00.000+01:00

On Wednesday I had made plans to go to the Well with Steve to watch the Arsenal match. We didn't quite make it since at about 7.30 he left a message on my phone saying he was at Warwick A&E with a sore foot. Being the kind and thoughtful neighbour that I am, I thought I'd pop over to the hospital, see how he was doing, point and laugh, go to Tesco to get a bit of food in before returning to the hospital and driving him home if needed.

Luckily, I've never had the need to go to Warwick Hospital before, and the first thing I noticed was that you had to pay to park! At a hospital! What kind of money sucking vampires are they? Still, up to 15 minutes was free, so I assumed all I'd have to do would be nip in, ask for Mr Wharton, show concern, point and laugh and be away and shopping in 6 minutes, 8 max. Oh no, first they couldn't find him, then they sent me to the Children's Ward, then they told me he 'might have left' then they found him. 35 minutes!

Steve didn't look too happy to see me - probably because he was trying to chat up a female doctor and said I was going to 'cramp his style'. Charming. I repaid him by taking a flattering picture of him in his wheelchair:

Steve: injured

Anyhow, Johno had turned up and shown some concern for a few minutes before pointing and laughing and then there was some discussion over cars, keys and bags. It turned out Steve had broken his ankle, and so Johno drove Steve's car home while I waited around while the (male) nurse plastered him up and gave him some crutches. Once hoppy Steve was allowed to leave I paid to get the car out of the car park - £3! - and somehow got back to Canal House before Johno, even though we left about an hour later.

Happy Monday!

2006-04-18T18:18:00.000+01:00

After the football, I decided I was hungry. I checked the cupboards and found them bare. I then made plans to go to Somerfield, but it turned out it shut early because of Bank Holiday Monday.

Whats a person to do? Well, one answer is to go to Pizza Express, kindly accompanied by the next door neighbour, little Stefan. After a quick shower/change, Steve buzzed me at 7pm on the dot and we decided to go to the Lounge for an aperatif or cocktail or some such. The Lounge was shut, so we ended up in Satchwells drinking Tyskie beer on empty tummies.

Mmmm Tyskie beer

We then strolled down the Parade to Pizza Express where we stuffed our faces with doughballs, pizza, chocolate cake and wine and then moved on to the Jug where we drank more wine and discussed something to do with Easter, Jesus, the Third Testament and Steve suggested people should worship him. Right. I was feeling a little queasy at this point, which I think was due to the cake, not the wine, and so I suggested it was probably time to call it a night.

Leamington 3 Westfields 0

2006-04-18T10:52:00.000+01:00

On Monday morning, John and I set off from Wales at the crack of dawn (ish) to make sure he was in good time for his flight to go on ~~holiday~~ a very important business trip to Washington. Since John was swanning off, I made arrangements to go and watch Leamington play Westfields with Neighbour Steve.

It was a very entertaining game which had something for everyone, including two excellent goals by Leamington, and high comedy own goal, a saved penalty by the Leamington keeper and the Westfields defence arguing a lot - and I mean a lot. At one point I thought they were going to have a punch up Newcastle United style.

All in all, a fair result, although I was a little scared when it was 2-0 at half time and the North Bank sang "We're gonna lose 3-2". Luckily that didn't happen (this time) and the song became "5-3 on aggregate" at the end of the match.

Leamington 2 Oldbury 0

2006-03-27T10:51:00.000+01:00

Saturday afternoon brought a Leamington Home game against Oldbury. Steve kindly drove us up to the New Windmill Ground in the Brakes Bus 2, and even got to park right by the exit in a 'small car' space. I seemed to be the only person with any faith in the team, with a 4-0 win prediction - John and Steve both predicted draws.

After John and Steve had loaded themselves up with food/stodge from the burger van we arranged ourselves in the traditional viewing position and hoped there wouldn't be a similar fiasco to last week. Luckily there wasn't. Alex Rodman scored after a couple of minutes, and Stuart Herlihy made it two a little later.

There were no goals in the second half, but there was entertainment, with Neil Stacey and some Oldbury player being sent off for having a punch up and then the Oldbury manager/coach person being sent off for being mouthy. He then sensibly went and stood right in front of the Harbury Lane end where he got entertaining abuse from the Leamington supporters for the rest of the game.

All in all a good game, although John and Steve still want Cadzy sacked because it rained and Steve's pie was a bit cold. Some people - never happy. The ref was actually quite good this week, and Steve was intending to go and congratulate him, but it was raining so he didn't.

Trip to the home of the Sugary God

2006-03-27T10:18:00.000+01:00

After not drinking alcohol for six days, Friday came around and the decision was taken to go to the home of the Sugary God - Ruby Chinese on Park Street - and to have a 'chilled out not drinking too much Happy Friday'. We were delayed a while as John had got sidetracked in the Wheatsheaf, but once he returned home we headed out and were feeding our faces in no time.

The three of us shared half a crispy duck for starter (yum!) and then we had some very yum food for main and I even managed to talk Steve out of fried rice and into boiled rice (so healthy...). We extended the heathy eating theme into a mere two bottles of Tsingtao beer each (John only had one!) and a fortune cookie instead of pudding. Unfortunately, the Sugary God did not show this time, but I am sure he had not deserted us... He will be back...

After our feast we strolled to Wildes, decided it was too crowded and there were not enough foxy ladies for Steve to drool over and so wandered back to the Jug where we did the usual drinking of beer for John and White Wine for me and Steve. John only lasted one pint before being sleepy and having to go home, but me and Steve stayed out for a little more wine and for him to take dodgy photos of a student girl's jeans and turn bright red again.

I was very well behaved, didn't drink too much and even managed to walk home in a straight line without being sick. Yay me!

Happy Birthday Tom!

2006-03-20T22:34:00.000Z

On Saturday night, John, Steve, Paul, Gaz, MC and myself wandered up to Tom and Abbi's house to enjoy their hospitality and alcohol as it was Tom's 29th birthday. We met JV and Suzanne in the Star and Garter on the way, and stopped off once more in the Coventry Arms (where I've never been before) for another swift drink and a look at a scary dog, and we arrived at the party at around 10ish.

While John showed off his singing skills I had a catch up with several people, sampled some scary looking drink (what on earth was in that cough syrup stuff?), tried to set Steve up with pretty ladies (he was doing well!) and played with the dog. I was having a great time until about 1am when I suddenly felt a little queasy* and thought it would be best if I went home.**

The most amazing thing of the evening (apart from me getting hammered on two gins and half a glass of wine) was that Steve was actually nice to me! Whatever next? I think that's his quota met for the next two years, so I'd better prepare myself for the usual meanness and slapping for the foreseeable future.

*Sorry Tom and Abbi for being sick on your wall. Sorry Tom and Abbi's neighbours for being sick in your garden. Sorry Steve for not stealing the bricks.

**Thank you John and Steve for getting me home and cheering me up.

Happy O'Friday

2006-03-18T19:56:00.000Z

Last night was St Patrick's night. It was also Friday which meant it was Happy Friday.

In the great Happy Friday tradition, John, Steve, Gary and myself went for a curry and then drinking. This week's curry house of choice was the new one on High Street who's name escapes me. The food was very nice, but if you go be warned: they don't serve alcohol. They are happy for you to go to Costcutter and buy beer though, so its all OK. While eating we discussed the finer points of Wonderwoman, straightjackets and housebuying.

After our food, Paul and Rich joined us and we went to the Pig and Fiddle. It was very crowded for some reason, can't imagine why. We then went on to the Bowling Green (hip and street) and then to the Jug via the Townhouse, where Rich left us. In the Jug, Steve got a kiss off a barmaid (the Lynx effect) who stole his guinness hat, and was unable to speak for the next two hours. It was lovely and peaceful. He also went scarily bright red and very hot.

At about 12.30 we called it a day. Well, we were forced to since the Jug threw us out, and went home neatly avoiding a big fight which appeared to be taking place at the juction of High Street and Clements Street. I wanted to watch but I was just too cold and drunk.

Shocking refereeing part 8

2006-03-18T18:27:00.000Z

John, Steve and myself travelled all the way to Westfields today to watch Leamington play the bottom team in the Midland Alliance. If you don't know where Westfields is you are very lucky you have never had to go there. Its right in the middle of nowhere, somewhere in Herefordshire. And its very cold.

Now, Leamington have had some very dodgy refs this season. These include, but are not limited to matches against:

Stourbridge: shocking.
Stratford: awful.
Coalville in the league cup: terrible. Lino more interested in asking people if they watched Match of the Day than watching the game.
Malvern: worst up to that point. Pretty sure he only passed ref school because he knew what shape the ball was.

However, today's ref was worse than any of those, but despite his best efforts Leamington were 2-0 up at half time. In the second half it all went wrong, partly because Leamington forgot how to play football, but mainly because they were playing against 11 players and and a ref. And two linos. They ended up losing 3-2, due to a dodgy corner decision and a very very very dodgy penalty decision. Oh, and then to cap it all he sent off one of our players (probably deserved, but still...) And then he had the nerve to finish the game early to prevent our inevitable comeback.

John reckons it's all a scam by the Midland Alliance to keep Leamington in their league. Seems likely - surely all the refs can't be this bad by accident?

Coffee Pepsi Max

2006-03-17T15:28:00.000Z

Yesterday, I was at work, thinking how much better things would be if I had a cold soft drink, so I wandered to the canteen and bought what I thought was a bottle of Pepsi Max.

I returned to my desk, opened the bottle and had a drink. My first thoughts were "That tastes a bit weird", before I looked at the bottle and realised I'd accidentally bought a bottle of Pepsi Max Cino (or Coffee Pepsi Max to you or me).

Now, I don't like coffee, but luckily this didn't taste of coffee (it didn't taste of coke either). It tasted more like chocolate or vanilla. I alternated by thinking "mmmmm" and feeling sick, but I had another bottle today and now its kinda growing on me.

How long?

2006-03-17T15:19:00.000Z

I was perusing my blog today, to find out details of types of Coke in America (for one reason or another), and I was shocked to see that I haven't blogged since January. Even worse than that, I haven't blogged regularly since July 2005!

I can't even use the excuse that I haven't done anything interesting since July, as there has been a trip to New York, a canal trip weekend, several evenings out drinking, a whole load of Leamington matches to talk about and much more. Much, much more...

Right, that's it, I'm now going to blog regularly, even if its only about pointless things like new pepsi flavours.

Muppet show tonight

2006-01-15T00:45:00.000Z

We have been watching 'Celebrity' Big Brother this week, and have been amazed that they have a muppet in the house. Its not even Kermit or Miss Piggy either, its one of the lesser known muppets, Janice. Well, I suppose the star muppets were on series one.

Oh, wait, it isn't Janice, its Pete Burns. But I'm sure you understand why we were confused.


Pete	Janice

I wonder if they may perhaps be related.

A good day for football

2006-01-14T20:05:00.000Z

Today, John, Steve and myself headed off to Chasetown, to watch the 'battle of the minnows who got to the first round proper of the FA Cup this season'. A catchy title, I'm sure you'll agree.

On the way there, I alternated between listening to Steve's TomTom give directions in the style of the knightrider car, Yoda and John Cleese, and listening to the Manchester derby on Radio 5. The best part of the journey was when Christiano Ronaldo got sent off. Anyone know if he cried? An easy three points for City then.

We managed to park much closer to Chasetown's ground than the last time we went, but were still quite impressed by the number of people there. I thought the attendance was close to 800, but it turned out it was only 541. Still, thats good for Chasetown.

The match was one of the most entertaining I've seen for a while, and was made better by Leamington winning 2-0. There was entertainment provided by the Chasetown manager who was going mental, at one point threatened the referee with death, and whose guidance to his team was 'score a goal'. Genius.

The funniest point of the afternoon though, was when Richard Adams had just scored his second goal and Leamington fans chanted 'Chasetown til half four' to the gloryhunting Chasetown supporters who decided to leave early. Maybe you had to be there, but it was funny, believe me.

On the way out, I overheard a Chasetown so-called-fan say 'I might go back to supporting Cradley next week'. Damn gloryhunters.

Leamington v Quorn

2005-11-13T20:29:00.000Z

It seems Quorn is not a mushroom based vegan food, its a town in Leicestershire, and this town in Leicestershire has a football team who play in the Midland Alliance. Just like Leamington do. Now, what are the odds of that?

John, Steve, Tom and myself all travelled up to the New Windmill Ground and positioned ourselves in our usual spot to watch the game. We then had to shift ourselves and position ourselves in our traditional second half spot as Leamington were shooting the other way in the first half. This wasn't as easy as it sounds, as there were a fair few people there. I estimated 612. The correct answer was 621, which I'll think you'll find was quite close.

The game was also quite close. Leamington scored first with a very good goal by Ryan Howell, but Quorn equalised a few minutes later. Leamington had more chances, but the score remained 1-1 at full time. The 'buy chips, Brakes score' gambit seems to have expired, as John and Tom spent about 79 hours in the chip queue and there were no goals scored in this time. Back to the lucky T shirt then I suppose.

It took us a while to get out of the ground at the end, as once we'd maneuvered our way past the cars parked down the middle of the car park, Sir Mick Brady (Brakes chairman) stopped us and asked Steve to drive to the garage and shine his headlights in as the bulb had gone (or something). Grassroots football - fantastic.

Happy happy Friday

2005-11-13T20:13:00.000Z

Its been a while since we had a happy Friday in Leamington. Last week we did take happy Friday on tour to Colchester, but it wasn't quite the same - mainly because the pub shut at 11 and we didn't want to be too hungover for Leamington's big game on the Saturday.

Anyhow, happy Fridays are arranged in the sauna or jacuzzi at Regency Health club these days, and Steve joined me on Friday afternoon to make the executive decision to go for a curry and then for a few sociable glasses of wine. John and co had been boozing all afternoon, so me, MC and Steve made a detour to TJs to drink some cocktails to catch up.

We met up with John, Gary and PFH in Millenniyummy, and had some nice tasting food before adjourning to the jug where we got the wines in and sat in the corner. We had much fun taking phone photos, pulling faces and giggling about nothing in particular. At some point Gary and MC left, but its all a bit blurry after then, probably due to the several gallons of wine inside me. It was all OK as I got home safely and managed to get to the pool in the morning, unlike someone...

Leamington v Solihull Borough: The Truth

2005-11-10T19:55:00.000Z

As there are several (incorrect) versions of this match report knocking around, I thought I'd let this blog live up to its name and speak only the truth.

I work on Tuesday evenings, so normally don't get to attend midweek Leamington games, but this week I thought I'd make an effort to go for half time. It was very, very, very cold and wet when I turned up on Tuesday night, but that was really no excuse for John and Steve to be stood under the covered stand instead of in our usual spot. I can't believe this is how they behave when I'm not there to sort them out...

When I arrived, Leamington were losing 1-0. I know this because the scoreboard said 0-1 and John said we were going to get knocked out of two cups in a week. Anyhow, Leon Morgan scored to bring it to 1-1. I know this because I saw it, and I know it was in the second half because I wasn't there in the first half.

At this point there were discussions about extra time/replays. No one seemed to know, but since the teams carried on playing, we assumed extra time it was. In the first half of extra time, Kristian Kelsall seemed to accidentally score for Leamington as the ball got in the way as he ran into the goal. We were all happy, but then some Solihull bozo equalised.

Just as we were discussing penalties and and the chance of frostbite, and with the scoreboard showing 0 minutes to go, Jon Adams (not Josh Blake) scored to make it 3-2 to Leamington, save us all from pneumonia and send Leamington into the quarter finals of the Birmingham Senior Cup. Hurray!

My virtual pet

2005-09-24T17:25:00.000+01:00

I have always wanted a puppy, but unfortunately I am not allowed one as John is scared of dogs. A little gay I say. Well, now I have got myself a little virtual puppy called Spot. Cute, isn't he?

adopt your own virtual pet!

Back blogging

2005-08-27T12:26:00.000+01:00

After another gap in blogging I have returned yet again. I have been busy doing other things you see, which included, but were not limited to:

Being on holiday for four weeks - excellent but spent too much money

Watching Monk on DVD and Lost on TV

Watching Leamington play (and win)

Gallivanting in Birmingham with Phoenix

Reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Planning on how to make a million in soap

Several instances of drinking, eating and general merriment

Thats it, you're up to date, and the blogging will continue from here.

We have a winner

2005-07-18T03:53:00.000+01:00

After just eight days, the competition for the best soda flavour of the holiday is over. This evening in a gas station in Wauseon, Ohio I found a can of Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper. I don't need to see any more as I am sure this cannot be beaten. I haven't opened it yet since I am certain it will become a collector's item in a few years.

Three facts about Ohio

2005-07-18T03:49:00.000+01:00

It is very wet
It is very flat
It has evil lamp posts on the freeways (shown below)

While the cat's away...

2005-07-17T02:52:00.000+01:00

I expected that while John and I are away, all our friends and neighbours would be sat at home, crying and saying "Oh, when will John and Debbie be home? My life is so boring and meaningless without them..."

Well, it seems nothing could be further from the truth, and while we have been away, there has been nothing but exciement:

Hair straighteners almost burning down our house (I'm sure I unplugged them...)
Our precious car being used to gallivant all over the country
A house in our block (hopefully not ours) being put up for sale
Laura turning our house into some kind of aviary
The house-sitter and the neighbour finally bonding over a chaffinch in the conservatory (how cute)

And we still have another three weeks of holiday. I'm a little scared to think what we will be returning to on August 7th.

Coke taste test update

2005-07-17T02:44:00.000+01:00

I have now tried Diet Coke Zero and Coca Cola C2 on this trip and, as promised, here is a report on them.

Diet Coke Zero: Tastes like diet coke. John doesn't like it.

Coca Cola C2: Tastes like regular coke, but feels slightly less sticky when in the mouth. I like it, but not as much as diet coke vanilla which just can't be found.

In addition, John stumbled upon Regular Coke with Lime, which brings the total number of varieties of coke discovered to eleven. He said "Its nice, but I won't be getting it again" on the matter.

Cola Confusion

2005-07-14T01:55:00.000+01:00

John and I just went out for a yummy Mexican dinner in Great Barrington, MA. If you look this place up on a map you'll see its right next door to the middle of nowhere - but very scenic. Anyway, on our way back to our motel we stopped at a Gas Station for a soda (I speak fluent American). I quite wanted a Vanilla diet coke so I headed for the coke fridge. I found:

Regular Coke
Diet Coke
Cherry Coke
Diet Coke with Lime
Diet Coke with Lemon
Diet Coke Zero (no calories)
Coca Cola C2 (half sugar)
Diet Coke with Splenda
Caffeine Free Coke
Regular Coke with Vanilla

Thats ten - TEN - types of coke, but no diet coke with vanilla. This country, its backwards I tell you. I bought Coca Cola C2 to try it out. Report coming soon.

I'm on holiday!

2005-07-14T01:53:00.000+01:00

I'm on my holidays! Yay! Now, I'm not going to tell every last detail about where we've been, what we've done and how many roadkill we've seen, as I've got better things to do on holiday than type every night, and anyway, that's documented elsewhere. But don't worry reader, I'll be writing a few blogs to keep people up to date and reassure people (hi Steve!) that I'm still alive and John hasn't killed me and thrown me over Niagra Falls or something.

Don't worry little Stefan...

2005-06-17T17:23:00.000+01:00

I'm fine. Just very very very very busy.

I came to realise that four week holidays don't pay for themselves and I decided to take on a little extra-curricular marking activity to fund our trip to the USA this summer.

All in all I signed up to do: 150 papers marking for OCR, 350 papers marking for AQA, 50 hours of online marking for Edexcel, 400 pieces of coursework marking for Edexcel and moderate 11 schools worth of portfolios for OCR. And mark another 50 exams for OCR when they asked me nicely (and offered me £300).

It all seemed like a good idea when I added up the potential earnings and signed the contracts, but it turns out its quite a lot of work... Good thing my full time job isn't really a full time job.

Normal Debbie service will resume in around two weeks time.

The Big Brother Argument Game

2005-06-03T17:50:00.000+01:00

After arriving home at around 2am last night, John and I invented the Big Brother Argument Game^TM as a tribute to those freaks and weirdos in BB at the minute. The object of the game are to turn anything anyone is saying into an argument. We didn't really figure out how to win, but I think the last person to start laughing is the winner.

As an illustration here are some possible manouvers to take when discussing apples.

Comment 1: "I like apples"
Model response: "Why do I care if you like apples or not. You can't bear not being the centre of attention can you? Its all me, me, me with you. Well I like oranges and do you hear me talking about it all the time?"

Comment 2: "I don't like apples"
Model response: "I can't believe you're telling me you don't like apples, well I like apples, and if I want to talk about apples I'll talk about apples, no one tells me what I can and can't talk about..."

Comment 3: "Would you like to share this apple?"
Model response: "I can't believe you're playing up to the camera by offering me apples. You're so fake, why don't you just act yourself and eat the whole apple yourself? Everyone knows how selfish you are anyway..."

Why not play it yourself? Its lots of fun, especially after several bottles of beer.

Thursday night drinking - I've missed you

2005-06-03T17:37:00.000+01:00

Last night Tom was in town, which is a novelty for a Thursday these days, so John organised a night out. It turned out being just me, John and Tom, although we did see Tracy and friends in Voodoo, because others were busy eating puddings (hi Gary!) or such and such.

We wandered up to Voodoo and made our way to Mirage via Satchwells and the Lounge. When we got to Mirage we made use of my Leamington connections to skip the queue and get in free. It made us feel special.

As usual we drank too much £1 beer in Mirage and my recollection of the evening is slightly blurry. But I do remember...

Insisting we stay in Mirage until the Medley of Doom was played
John and I attempting to record the Medley of Doom on our phones
John posing with some skimpily dressed members of Warwickshire Police (drinking in Mirage, not fighting crime)
Buying a kebab from Tarsus/Tarkos on the way home and finding out why it changed its name. Something to do with an uncle and someone's initials I believe
Watching Big Brother when we got in
Inventing and playing the Big Brother Argument Game

The 5th Annual Eurovision Drinking Party

2005-05-29T23:20:00.000+01:00

Every May, John and I invite our friends around to our house to help us celebrate the carnival of freakery that is the Eurovision Song Contest. This year, we had to use Revolutionary Time Shifting Technology^TM to watch the event as Suzanne's birthday celebrations fell on Eurovision Saturday.

Our Eurovision Party is famous in five continents, and as usual we had delicious* European food and drink, although John put his foot down about the amount of spirits being drunk after last year's drunken alcofest. There were some excellent songs, with Moldova, Norway and Switzerland being personal favourites, and also some right rubbish (Latvia, I'm looking in your direction...)

As we followed standard drinking rules everyone was merrily drunk by the time the program finished, which led to much Singstar, some attempted breakdancing, being attacked by a glove puppet, John grinning lots and getting to bed at about 5am. It also led to me feeling a little under the weather today. Good thing I didn't pick Greece.

*Except the Norweigen cheese, the Halloumi, the rare Croaski Vodka and the Brandy which nearly made me sick.

BBQ and Big Brother

2005-05-29T22:45:00.000+01:00

Friday was hot. So hot in fact that neighbour Steve decided to invide all his friends (well, me and John) to a barbecue at his luxury canal side apartment. The three of us scoffed our way through several burgers, sausages and Steve's special potatoes which Steve managed to set fire to but were still delicious.

After our food and a few social glasses of wine, we retired to our own luxury canal side apartment to watch Big Brother 6 and drink more wine. John and Steve were very impressed by Lesley's PVC nurse uniform, but in general the new housemates seem extremely irritating. Personally, I think Maxwell is going to win. You read it here first.

Debbie: The normal one

2005-05-29T22:34:00.000+01:00

On Monday I travelled up to Manchester to stay at my mum's house for the night as I had to attend a dull examiner's meeting on Tuesday. Since my brothers have now moved out I stayed in my younger brother John's old room.

Now, I often thought that he was the saner of my two younger brothers - Craig is OK but he supports Man United (we don't like to talk about it...) However, my mind was changed when I found the following in his old bedroom:

My mum tells me that he bought it on Ebay and he has another that he keeps in his car. So it turns out I am the most normal member of my family. How worrying it that?

Happy Birthday Suzanne

2005-05-29T22:18:00.000+01:00

Last Saturday was Suzanne's 30th birthday party in Bubbles. It was very well attended and anyone who was anyone was there, including Ajay and Iciar and little Rajiv (he looks almost like a proper grown up now.)

There was beer, a sumptuous buffet feast and much chat. We left at around 11.30 to walk home with Gary and MC. At this point we experienced the biggest downpour in the history of weather and got a little wet.

Where've your trophies gone?

2005-05-24T21:20:00.000+01:00

On Saturday, the FA Cup was on TV, with Arsenal and some American owned whinging cry babies taking part. In order to celebrate the fact that there is still some football on the BBC, me John, Ajay and Iciar accepted Tom and Abbi's hospitality (and beer) and watched the match round their house with their over excitable dog.

Following my football team supporting hierarchy (first City, then Rochdale, then whoever United are playing) I had no choice but to support Arsenal. To be honest, the majority of the match was a little boring, but it livened up no end when the penalties started and I am pleased to say the correct team won in the end. Good thing really since if United had won then Malcolm Glazer would have had the FA cup over the Atlantic and sold as an ashtray or something.

Anyway, my favourite part of the afternoon was the bit where Cristiano Ronaldo cried. Its becoming an annual event and it always makes me laugh.

Phoenix and Pete Visit

2005-05-24T21:03:00.000+01:00

Last Monday Phoenix and Pete came to visit us for a delightful evening of civilised food, drink and socialising. After some catching up on the gossip, discussing the pros and cons of ipods, and having a major discussion about where to eat, we headed up to the Thai Elephant in Leamington Town and had some delicious, hot and spicy food and Chang beer.

Afterwards we went to Satchwells which was quiet, mainly chav free and having a beer festival and had several more drinks, although everyone was too scared to try the 7.9% beer. Then we moved onto the Avenue where we had pre-nightcap drinks, and then home where we had real nightcaps of vodka, whisky and damson gin.

Saturday with Stefan: Part 2

2005-05-17T16:17:00.000+01:00

On Saturday night , smooth neighbour Steve talked me into drinking with him with his line of "If you come out with me tonight I'll let you dye my hair". Hey, it worked, he should try it on other females.

We started off in the Jug at around eight thirty, and by quarter past nine we had managed to drink two bottles of white wine between us and the evening was going downhill quickly. Somehow I was tricked into going to the Well (hypnotism, I think) and on the way there bumped into Suzanne, Tracy and their lady teacher friends heading to the Lounge and had a little chitchat.

The Well was full of the usual people and alcohol, and Steve got annoyed because the woman he was trying to pull preferred me. To be fair, she only gave me a peck on the cheek, but in little Steve's head it was some big snog with tongues and all. To make amends for his disappointment I promised he could film us (not a binding contract) and we had some more drinks. After some further drinks we wandered downstairs and saw someone dressed as a pirate, went upstairs had more drinks and sang 'Buttercup'. After more drinks, Steve said I was a professional neighbour and I saw some interesting graffiti.

There was the standard Well lock in, I generously bought Steve a Vodka Twister that he was very ungrateful for, and we left around 2.30am. I really should really have gone straight to bed, but saw fit to stay up, watch a film about China and blog about ducks.

Saturday with Stefan

2005-05-17T14:07:00.000+01:00

I woke up feeling sprightly on Saturday morning (well, afternoon technically) and kindly agreed to drive neighbour Steve to the Ford showroom to look at cars. I gave my advice, Steve abused me, we returned home and then Steve begged me to hang out with him for the rest of the day. Well, John was away and I had nothing better to do, so I agreed.

First stop was the Old Butchers for a Steak Sandwich. Very nice and gave me mucho energy for shopping. We meandered around several shops, including JJB where I saw one of my female students and Steve blushed, before ending up in Boots where Steve declared he wanted to dye his hair. After about seventeen hours of deliberation he settled on Copper Blonde.

We walked back to Canal House and I tried to negotiate some 'Steve Free Time', but he looked at me with puppy eyes said he'd let me dye his hair if I let him spend more time with me. How could I resist? After a failed dying session (in which I was accused of trying to drown him) Steve came round to my luxury apartment, still with blonde hair, to eat pizza and watch Dr Who. Steve was obviously coming down with a cold or hay fever or something while Dr Who was on as he had red eyes and there was a lot of sniffing coming from his direction.

After this we prepared to hit the town and paint it red (or maybe a nice shade of pink), as will be told in future installments.

Happy Friday - curry and much beer

2005-05-15T17:56:00.000+01:00

With John off gallivanting in Birmingham for Mike's stag night I had to scrape the bottom of the barrel to find entertainment on Friday night. I looked next door and found Steve wanting to have a Happy Friday and get drunk, so that's what we did.

Firstly, we went to King Baba's, the world's gayest curry house, where Steve got chatted up by three waiters. How I laughed. After that we went to the Jug for one drink and a quick play of the piano (Steve does a good 'Last of the Summer Wine' and I practiced my scales) and then onto the Lounge where we met several of Steve's student friends, including David Kelly and Lovely Helen. As usual, Steve disgraced himself by slapping me around the head in front of civilized people. When will he learn?

The students kept asking why we were referring to David Kelly as Dr David Kelly, and couldn't understand why we were trying to get him to come to the Well by telling him we had seen Weapons of Mass Destruction there. Don't these people watch the news? They were also quite poor excuses for students as they had to leave at 11 to revise for exams on Monday. Monday! After I had stopped laughing at the fact they had to do exams, I told them that in my day we used to go to exams still drunk and revise on the bus. It isn't that far from the truth.

So Steve and I wandered down to the Well and drank some more. By this point I could barely see, but we played European Football Top Trumps on the quiz machine, drank some more, stayed after hours because we told the bouncers we were with Larry (who's Larry?) and drank some more. After that its very, very blurry, and I don't really remember walking home, but at some point I tidied the bedroom and put away the washing. I woke up to find mud all over the bed covers, so I think I went to bed in my shoes. Either that or I was mud wrestling at some point - who knows?

Ducksarama

2005-05-15T02:15:00.000+01:00

On Thursday I thought it would be a good idea to feed the ducks old bagels. Whilst I was throwing them food, I counted 47 ducks, ducklings and teenage ducks on the canal outside Canal House. This is the most I have ever counted and think it must be a record. I am sure you must share my excitement.

Still blogging

2005-05-14T18:19:00.000+01:00

Don't worry, fans of Speaks Only the Truth, I am still blogging, just been a little busy. In the next few days (or maybe 3.30am tomorrow morning, depending on how drunk I get tonight) you can expect exciting and detailed stories about the number of ducks on the canal, American v UK McDonalds, why students have gone gay, and weekends drinking with the neighbour.

Bet you can't wait.

Carnival of Torture

2005-04-28T18:29:00.000+01:00

Me and John watched series 1 and 2 of 24 on BBC2 before the evil Sky people bought it. Since we didn't have Sky (and didn't want to get it) we decided to wait until series 3 came on DVD.

Series 2 had not been brilliant - mainly due to the cougar and Jack death nonsense - but it had still been entertaining. It was also the series which led to 24 being known as Carnival of Torture after the cutting off of the head incident and other random torturing.

Anyway, we have borrowed series 3 on DVD, and I think it is back to a good standard. We have managed to watch about 13 hours so far, and have seen approximately 671 killings and 28 incidents of torture. I recommend it, but that idiot Chappelle from Division.... he makes me so mad...

Mexican Fiesta

2005-04-28T18:09:00.000+01:00

On Saturday, Laura phoned us to ask if we wanted to go out drinking that night. Unfortunately, due to the previous night's Happy Friday, we were a little tired and wanted to settle down and watch 24, so we invited Laura to tea on Sunday instead.

We had envisaged giving Laura some kind of shoddy leftovers and/or takeaway, but it just so happened that we had some chilli, tortilla chips, soured cream, an advocado, tortillas, limes, tequilla and triple sec lying around and so John impressively created a sumptuous mexican feast, including a jug of margharita, which we ate in a civilized manner in the conservatory.

Afterwards, and probably with a little to do with the margharita, Laura restarted her blog, and we listened to increasingly bizarre music until she left at a reasonable hour to prepare for her new job.

Friday night pizza and beer

2005-04-24T15:28:00.000+01:00

I was feeling a little tired on Friday, and John was hungover, so we thought we would go to Pizza hut for tea and maybe just for one quiet drink afterwards. We also invited neighbour Steve along to make it into a Canal House social occasion. John had been very excited by the adverts for 4forall pizza, so we had one of those, and Steve asked for his Pizza base to be a 'fluffy pan' - 'fluffy' was a description of the base, not the name. I suppose you just had to be there, but I laughed so much that I cried.

After the Pizza, we went on an accidental pub crawl to the Jug, Avenue and Kelseys, in search of somewhere where we could sit down. After Kelseys, John announced he was tired and decided to go home while Steve and I went to the Well for one more drink, which turned into two (well, I had to buy him one back, didn't I?), which turned into several. At this point I was really about to leave, but Steve apprehended some chav scoundrel who was stealing beer and gained us some free drinks for his heroics. It would have been ungrateful to the nice barman to turn it down, wouldn't it?

Steve, a little drunk, with reward

After this it was closing time, but we accidentally got locked in the pub and somehow ended up with more drinks. I think it was about 2.30 when I finally got home. Not exactly 'one quiet drink', but certainly entertaining.

Beers on a Thursday

2005-04-24T15:17:00.000+01:00

On Thursday afternoon I recieved a msn message from neighbour Steve asking what me and John were up to that night. I sensed danger, but didn't take much convincing to agree to go to the Jug for a 'few sociable drinks', and managed to talk John into it too.

Sadly for Steve, his main reason for suggesting the Jug didn't materialise, but we settled down for some beers (not wine) and chitchat. Paul, Rich and Ian joined us later and we continued the chitchattingness and drinking fun.

I think I must have drunk more than I thought, because I almost went to Mirage with Tracy (who had been in Bar 44 for some reason), but even though I had arranged with Mirage Ali to skip the queue and get in for free, I saw sense and went home at Jug throwing out time instead. So sensible, so responsible, that's me.

Llama Llama Duck

2005-04-20T20:45:00.000+01:00

I'm not sure whether this is a work of pure genius or just really annoying. You decide, but be warned: once you have listened to it you will never get it out of your head.

Moderation is the key

2005-04-20T20:42:00.000+01:00

On Monday night I joined John, Steve and Gav in the Jug to see some music. I was going to drink lemonade after my alcohol related adventures at the weekend had put me off beer a little, but John convinced me to drink in moderation (I didn't take much convincing, truth be told.)

The music consisted of The Royal Finger Puppets and The Samurai Seven rocking, jumping around and playing guitars. It was all very entertaining and John liked The Samurai Seven so much he bought the CD.

I had merely three drinks, wasn't led astray, remembered everything, felt fine in the morning and didn't go home with any random items of clothing. Drinking sensibly is fantastic. I'm only going to drink in moderation from now on.*

*Until I have so much to drink that I forget to drink in moderation.

Been there, done that, bought the tshirt

2005-04-18T14:32:00.000+01:00

It appears the Silx tshirt mystery is solved. According to Paul, who obviously didn't drink enough, I really wanted a souvenir of going to Silx for evidence that I had been there. The only item with 'Silx' printed on it was the barman's shirt, which he offered to me for £10. I only had £6 so after some attempt at bartering Paul lent me £4 and the barman gave me the shirt right off his back. I recall very little of this.

Fortunately, I now never have to go the Silx again. Probably for the best.

Spirals: Scarier than you might think

2005-04-18T11:58:00.000+01:00

On Saturday I wasn't feeling my best due to excessive alcohol intake on Friday night, but I did manage to arrange lunch with Laura. After taking around 3 hours to get dressed (see above) and 4 hours to walk up the parade (see crane disassembling story), John and I finally met Laura in Moo only 40 minutes late.

We had some tasty burgers and chips and then wandered around the shops before going to Choices to select some films to keep us out of trouble that night. We selected two Japanese films (aren't we intellectual) and "Ripley's Game" and wandered home.

Just as we had settled down to watch Uzumaki, we received a phone call from Dave Bradshaw who happened to be in the area. John invited him round to see our house and have a catch up. After tales of his jet setting high-life, Dave left at around 11 and we finally got round to watching Uzumaki, which was about killer spirals and was a little bizarre.

Sometimes I scare myself...

2005-04-16T18:20:00.000+01:00

...I really do. And not when I look in the mirror, Steve! Last night, John and I joined neighbour Steve for a canal house social of food and drink, as is turning into a delightful Friday night traditition.

After some good food and beers in King Babba we headed over to the Jug. The scene was set when John came back from the bar with two bottles of wine between three of us to 'save time'. As we drank several other people, including Gav, Paul and Ian came along to join the socialivity. There was talking, there was drinking, there was fighting (well, slapping) more drinking, and I think the three of us got through around six or seven bottles of wine.

The sensible thing to do at Jug chucking out time would be to go home and go to bed, but no - I got it into my head that I really wanted to go to Club Silx (formerly Options), and Paul agreed to come with me. I remember entering Silx, I remember buying drinks, and I remember the Mirage medley of doom being played, but I don't remember anything else - I don't remember leaving, coming home, going to bed or how I obtained a Club Silx t-shirt. Maybe the contents of this photo have something to do with my loss of memory:

Catch up

2005-04-14T18:55:00.000+01:00

I forgot to blog last week and over the weekend and this week, so here is a speedy catch up for all:

Wednesday: Watched "The Grudge" (the film, not the ummm... grudge) which scared the bijesus out of me. Really. There wasn't much else to it to be honest, but it scared me good.

Thursday: Went with John to the Jug for 'one quick drink' to calm my nerves after the cleaner's daughter (who looks spookily like the scary Grudge person) crept up on me and gave me a fright. Had several drinks with John, Paul, Gav, Gary and MC before going to Ruby Chinese on Park Street for a tasty dinner and then onto Bubbles and the Bowling Green for a couple.

Friday: Went for a curry and a few drinks with John and neighbour Steve. Had nice food in Kismet and went to the Jug for a quiet drink. Due to Steve's influence we drank white wine. We must have drunk several bottles as I vaguely recall standing on Clements Street at 12.30am, and didn't at all remember Steve lifting up John in an attempt to stick the eyes on the poster under the bridge several days later.

Saturday: Felt a bit odd, but managed to go up town to buy a desk (for my exam marking adventures in the summer) and to Coventry to buy a chair and a filing cabinet. In the evening we watched "The Forgotten" which I had never heard of, but was very good. Recommended.

Sunday: Went to Birmingham to see Joanna Newsom. Had a quick shop and dinner in Las Iguanas (bargain fiesta) before going to the Glee club. It seemed Joanna had cut her thumb, so she superglued it back up on stage. I see nothing wrong with that course of action.

Trip up north

2005-04-06T21:34:00.000+01:00

As it is the Easter holidays, and as I had nothing planned for Sunday or Monday, I thought I'd nip up north to see my family.

On Sunday night I went around to see my brothers' new houses - very nice too, and full of fancy furniture and accessories, although it was a little bit odd and disturbing to see my brothers standing around discussing tea cups and saucers.

Also, it turns out that a new ITV drama called 'Vincent' is being filmed in Heywood, the delightful town I was born in. My mum told me that they had been filming outside my old primary school, and it had been in the paper that a load of local chavs started throwing bricks at the cast. Nice - but the local paper said the location was chosen because it was a bit grimy, so it serves them right really.

We meet Stu

2005-04-02T18:51:00.000+01:00

Today, John and I finally met Stu, who Laura has been hanging out with (to put it politely) for the past few weeks. They're off to Amsterdam together next week, so obviously John and I had to give our approval.

We met up in Toyk for lunch and had a chitchat, and Stu seems very nice. Bit Brummie, but very nice. Below is a photo recording the occasion:

Laura, Stu and some halfwit

Phoenix visits and Easter party

2005-04-02T17:59:00.000+01:00

On Friday, Phoenix came to visit. After we had caught up on the gossip, we went round to see Steve, as Phoenix had never met him but had heard so much about him through the medium of blog. After meeting him, her opinion was that he is cute. In a neighbour / hamster kind of way.

We thought we had better let Steve get on with his important work, and so we wandered up into Leamington, and lunched in the Lounge. Phoenix had the world's largest ever Salad Nicoise (ordered without eggs - some people are so fussy...) and then we explored the shops and drank coffee and innocent fruit drink in Starbucks. Unfortunately, Phoenix then had to leave to collect Pete who apparently gets distressed if he's not rescued from Solihull at five o'clock on the dot. Who can blame him?

On Friday night, John and I went to Gav's house for some kind of Easter and Verity's birthday extravaganza. We didn't stay long as we were both feeling very tired (see this week's previous posts). While we were there we painted eggs and admired Gav's new Mac mini which is very fancy and has made John want one even more. We were also given several hundred cornflake crispies to take home. We went home at 10pm (shocking!) and watched CSI under the duvet for the rest of the night.

Day in Stratford

2005-04-02T17:46:00.000+01:00

I continued my theme of being sociable and eating lunch on Thursday as I went with Laura on the train to Stratford for a day out. The aim was to shop, eat and drink, and I think we managed to meet these objectives well.

As we didn't want to get out of bed too early, we arrived in Stratford at lunch time and headed to the Dirty Duck for food and wine. Very nice too. After lunch it was time to hit the shops. Lush and H&M called loudly, and we also went to an all year Christmas shop (we had to leave before I killed someone) and a craft shop aimed at the 'discerning crafter' - thats me and Laura, you know. We also went to the London Souvenir shop (in Stratford, yes) where I bought some cool London Underground flip flops, before heading home via Hathaway's tea shop.

While we were wandering around Stratford, I took the opportunity to record the following:

Warwickshire Police, can't park, not fighting crime

After we arrived back in Leamington we decided to go to TJ's for a quick cocktail, and John joined us. This turned into three pints in the Bowling Green and a curry at Ali Babas before calling it a day and returning home to watch Desperate Housewives.

England v Azerbaijan

2005-04-02T16:46:00.000+01:00

On Wednesday evening, John and I braved the pouring rain to join several people in the Townhouse to watch England play Azerbaijan. We wandered along at around seven, dried ourselves off, rearranged the furniture, and settled down to watch the match. I had been promised by both the BBC Sport website and the Daily Mirror that it was going to be at least 10-0 to England, but we had to make do with 2-0 in a slightly dull match.

I did impress people (well, John) by pointing out that a player can be yellow carded for deliberately playing without a boot on, about 2 seconds before Beckham was yellow carded for deliberately playing without a boot on. As this fascinating Q&A shows, players can also be booked for using a mobile phone or lighting a cigarette. I would like to see that on Match of the Day.

To contain our excitement after the football, me, John, Paul, Gary and MC went to the Bowling Green where we drank beer and talked rubbish.

Lunch and German powerstations

2005-04-01T17:06:00.000+01:00

Normally when I am on college holidays I hang around the house, eating toast and watching repeats of Moonlighting on the ABC channel. These Easter holidays, however, I have decided to be more sociable and make good use of my time.

I started on Tuesday. Neighbour Steve was at home too, so we went up town for a spot of lunch and shopping. Turns out Steve is rubbish at shopping, but he saved me money by telling me that everything I looked at belonged on a bag lady. Cheers. He also became extremely embarrassed when I took him to the House of Fraser underwear section and we had to leave before he started crying. We had lunch at the Old Butchers (steak sandwich - highly recommended) and abused several people. Fun.

On Tuesday night we attended a Canal House residents meeting at Kerry's flat before going to play a boardgame about German powerstations in Baroque (we played in Baroque, the powerstations were not in Baroque) with John, Paul, Gary and MC. I am not ashamed to say I lost.

Easter trip

2005-03-28T19:21:00.000+01:00

Traditionally, me and John go off to John's parents for the Easter weekend, but this year they have gone to Costa Rica. We went anyway, since their house is quiet and free of bad influences.

We had intended to leave home quite early on Friday morning, but due to Mirage related fun, I didn't get out of bed until around 11.30, and then we needed a detour to McDonalds. We arrived in Aberystwyth at around 5ish, and then chilled about, eating curry, drinking wine and watching The Bourne Identity.

On Saturday we lounged about, went to town, had lunch at the National Milk Bar, watched England win (but not Wales lose, surprisingly) and then lazed around drinking wine and watching Dr Who and The Bourne Supremacy.

On Sunday, we met up with Ceri, a school friend of John's. I was expecting to keep up the theme of 'lazing' and 'lolling', but it seemed I had to go for a 17 mile* walk over cliffs instead. Still, we were rewarded with a Sunday Lunch containing half a cow and 12 tons of potatoes. It was tasty. On Sunday night we idled about, drank wine and ate Easter Eggs.

Today we headed home, stopping off on the way so John could have a look at a canal. John, are you aware of where we live? Anyway, we also had to stop in Telford for lunch and to do some impulse shopping. Tonight I expect we will be relaxing. And possibly drinking wine.

*Ok, two mile

Trip to Chav Central

2005-03-25T10:57:00.000Z

Believe it or not, up until yesterday, I hadn't drunk any alcohol for four days. There was no reason for it really, I just wanted to see how long I could last. Anyway, I decided that I should put an end to that madness and go out and get drunk.

So me and John, neighbour Steve, Paul , Gary and MC went off to the Townhouse, and there were some vague plans to meet up with other people later on. We moved onto the Newbold (where we played the easiest quiz machine in the world) and then to the Jug, and then Steve and I decided we would like to go to Mirage. The others were too old/ill/tired to come, and the other people we had meant to meet up with had gone to Mumbai Bluu (why?)

So off me and Steve went to Mirage, and my extensive network of Leamington contacts came in useful as one of my students works on the door and so we got in for free. Not only that, but we didn't have to queue. Not only that, but when the security woman wanted to check my bag, Tony (head-doorman, my new friend) said, "No, they are our guests" and we strolled straight in. Steve said it made him feel special. Steve, you are special.

It all gets a little blurry after that (thanks, £1 beer!), but I do remember: Mirage being full of Chavs, Steve shouting "Chav" and pointing to everyone, trying to shut Steve up before he got beaten up, seeing a couple of old students, seeing Adrian from upstairs, flailing around, getting injured in several ways, buying chips from Viallis, talking to someone ginger in Viallis, hardly being able to walk home (me because of shoes, Steve because of beer). All in all, it was a fitting end to not drinking I think.

Happy Birthday Tom!

2005-03-20T16:47:00.000Z

Last night was Tom's birthday celebration in the Jug and Milleniyummy. Ajay and Iciar had come from London to help Tom celebrate, but unfortunately they had brought keys to their flat that didn't work and so couldn't get in to their own house. Since we couldn't allow them to sleep in the gutter we offered them our spare bedroom. It was the least we could do, and Ajay rewarded our kindness by buying us lunch today. Gary Barker: take note.

So out we went drinking and a whole range of people came out. Its all a little blurry, but I remember talking rubbish to many people, getting a 41st birthday shoutout for Tom in the Jug, giving him the bumps on the street outside, eating tasty curry and going back to ours for water and orange squash (honest!) I also thought I saw Steve drinking beer, but I must have been drunk/mistaken as he had vowed not to drink for 2 weeks. Some people just have no willpower.

St Patrick's fun

2005-03-20T16:45:00.000Z

On Thursday night, John and I met up with Paul and Simon to celebrate St Patricks day by going to some Irish pubs and drinking lots of Guinness. Tracy came out too, but only stayed for one drink before becoming scared at the idea of going to the Pig and Fiddle, and ran away to Mumbai Bluu instead.

Sticking to a strict 'one pub one pint' rule, we crawled our way around: The Bowling Green, The Townhouse, Pig and Fiddle, The Hope, Kelly's, The Railway, before finally ending up in the Jug. In the Jug we tried to order Guinness, but they didn't have any. To be fair, who could have foreseen a rush for Guinness on St Patricks Day?

On Friday morning I felt Ok - a bit tired, but generally fine. The same could not be said for John who couldn't get out of bed in the morning.

Useless Warwickshire Police (Part 4)

2005-03-17T15:39:00.000Z

Warwickshire Police today, doing the shopping, not fighting crime.

Powergen - pure evil

2005-03-15T18:01:00.001Z

I opened a letter from Powergen today, assuming it was either a bill, or one of those annoying offer things you get from these kind of people. Instead I was intrigued to find a letter with "NOTICE OF DEBT COLLECTION VISIT" on it in big capital letters, like the example earlier in this paragraph.

Since I pay all such bills automatically, I thought that maybe my bank had messed up, so I checked and found that the last payment was made on 17th February, with the next not being due until 17th March. In no way was my payment overdue. I phoned Powergen to sort it out, and after being put on hold for approximately 7 hours, I was told that they had sent me the wrong letter. They were very sorry, it wouldn't happen again. Well that's OK then*. They also asked me if I considered buying gas from them. Funnily enough, no.

Anyway, the supervisor is supposed to be phoning me back tonight as I have requested compensation for my valuable time and stress caused. Free electricity for a year would be just about fair, I think.

*Actually, it isn't.

Weekend report

2005-03-13T17:27:00.000Z

I know there's people out there who want to be kept up to date with my every move. I call them stalkers (Hi Steve!), but for everyone's benefit and general entertainment, here is how I have spent my weekend.

Friday. John had been getting beered up all afternoon since Douggy Fresh was leaving IBM. Although he was a little the worse for wear when he came home, we agreed to go for a curry with Steve. John then came home for a nap - he's 31 years old, you know - while Steve and I remained in TJs drinking beer and talking rubbish. I can't remember exactly what we talked about, but we giggled like girls so it must have been funny.

Saturday. Lunch up town with Laura in 'The Sausage'. Its been done up and has fab wallpaper with bookshelves on it. We had a good feed and then perused the charity shops of Leamington before meeting up with Laura's two gay dads for a quick drink in the lounge. Then home for citrus chicken, Alien Vs Predator (my opinion: very good), CSI:NY and wine.

Sunday. John needed a new jacket so off we went to Solihull. We bought: a jacket, some new coasters and a salt pig (for putting salt in, apparently). Tonight we are thinking of watching Midsomer Murders.

Happy Birthday Rich

2005-03-11T14:13:00.000Z

Last night we went up Leamington town to help celebrate Rich Headworth's birthday. It was also someone else's birthday whose name I cannot recall.

The turn out from G-International was quite poor (I remember the days when anyone who was anyone was out on a Thursday), but we moseyed up to the Old Butchers where we ate food with Gary and MC, before Rich, Steve and their cronies and then JV, Tracy and Ian joined us.

We sensibly (a bit too sensibly...) turned down a trip to Rios, and instead went to the Jug with a drunken Ian who told us what was what and set the world to rights.

I'm all for the return of large scale Thursday night drinking. Getting to bed at three thirty and up at seven thirty was fun. Going to Mirage kept me in with the kids. Laughing at other peoples' hangovers was funny. When did everyone get so sensible?

Never been so cold in my life

2005-03-07T17:43:00.000Z

Last weekend we went on a canal trip, organised by Paul and Simon (thanks!) and attended by lots of nice people. I skipped work on Friday afternoon (don't think the kids cared too much) and John and I met Paul, Simon, Gav and Mandy at the Boat Inn over Stockton way. The weather had been raining, thundering, lightning and snowing during the morning, but we were confident that the weather for the rest of the weekend would be hot and sunny.

After a few beers in the Boat Inn we went to meet our boats - Richard John and Samuel James - and were soon sailing (and crashing) along happily. I even had a go at driving, I was brill. We navigated through a few locks and were soon at The Folly where we were to meet up with Gary, MC, Suzanne and JV. Since we had been freezing on the boats we were looking forwards to being toasty warm in the pub. Unfortunately, the pub was freezing cold, but it did serve a tasty pie, so I forgave them.

On Saturday it snowed, rained and hailed, but we wrapped up warm and met up with Nicky, Ed and their boys for lunch. I also wrote a true description of the trip in the boat's logbook, but since my brain froze a little I may have made a bit up. At one point, John fell into the canal, probably due to horseplay, but sadly I did not capture the moment on camera. Dinner on Saturday was at The Wharf in Fenny Compton, where I had a nice steak and then almost fell asleep into my beer.

On Sunday we had to sail all the way back to Stockton, which meant an earlish start (up at 8am on a Sunday!) Captain Barker sailed our boat most of the time on Sunday, while me, John and MC worked the locks and John almost fell in the canal again. We arrived back in good time, and performed some car related shenanigans before me, John, Paul and Simon went for Sunday tea in the Boat Inn and everyone else cleared off home. After a good feed John and I went home where I slept for 10 hours non stop. Its a tiring business this canalling lark.

Oh yes, there are photos here.

Birmingham: Rubbish for meetings, good for shoes

2005-02-28T19:23:00.000Z

This morning I had to catch a train at the ridiculously early hour of 8:43 in order to attend an A-Level meeting in Birmingham. The meeting was exceptionally dull, although at one point I almost livened it up for everyone by being very tempted to slap someone who was asking stupid questions and wasting valuable shopping time.

After the meeting finished at 1pm I wandered into Birmingham where I bought some nice shoes, shown below:

I also bought some toasty warm jumpers in the sale for wearing when I go on the weekend canal boat extravaganza. Apparently it is going to be -7 degrees C. Lovely.

PS. If you work with me and happen to be reading this, the shopping bit is a lie. The meeting went on until 7pm and you are lucky I'm not claiming overtime payment for it.

Useless Warwickshire Police (Part 3)

2005-02-27T15:10:00.000Z

Steve, who risked his life to go out and about in the mean streets of Leamington today, sent me the following picture which illustrates the real priorities of Warwickshire Police:

Two policemen, today, reading the News of the World, not fighting crime

Useless Warwickshire Police (Part 2)

2005-02-26T21:03:00.000Z

So yesterday, after someone had broken our patio window for the second time in a week, I thought the best thing to do was phone the police to report it. While I was on the phone, Steve was chasing the vandals up the canal tow path (in a tshirt, in February).

The conversation to the police went something like this:

Me: Hello, I'd like to report some vandalism. Someone has broken my window.
Warwickshire Police: Please get off the line, your problem is of little interest to us and we have tea to drink.

Well, it wasn't quite like that, but that was the general impression given. When I told them that someone was following the vandals and could describe them and knew where they were the police weren't interested. They said they might send out a patrol car, if one became free, but they were busy and I was low priority. Honestly, I don't know why I pay my council tax.

Anyhow, to take our minds off the drama, me and John and Steve went for curry at Delhi Palace. It was tasty. Later Paul joined us and we went for a drink in the Jug. In a strange turn of events I ended up drinking white wine (gallons of it from what I cannot recall), had a converstation with a stranger who it turned out lives next to my old headmistress in Bury, and finished off the evening at our house while Paul told us about how his dog called Bisto once licked his eyeball.

Nail Fun

2005-02-18T22:20:00.000Z

Yesterday I went to the hairdressers, as I do from time to time to keep my hair looking pretty. While I was there I was given a leaflet for a nail studio which I decided to try out today. The results can be seen below:

I do like my new nails, but they are causing some difficulties. For example, I needed three goes to type in my PIN in Sainsburys, it took me about fifteen minutes (and the use of several implements) to open a can of coke, and taking out my contact lenses was a real adventure as I nearly blinded myself.

Evil Warwickshire Speed Cameras

2005-02-18T20:48:00.001Z

This morning I (well, John technically) received a letter from Warwickshire police claiming I had been speeding in Nuneaton last Sunday.

Now, when I was caught doing 36 in a 30 zone on Primrose Hill in Warwick I was a little annoyed, but I accepted I had been speeding and caught and fair enough, I took the points and paid the fine. However, since then I have been a very careful driver as I didn't want the police getting their grubby mitts on any more of my money (or my driving licence come to think of it) so I have been extra specially careful not to speed at any time. Ever. So, I can only conclude that the area I was 'speeding' in was either not signposted clearly, or I wasn't actually really speeding.

I decided that instead of just blindly paying the fine I would look into appealing against it, starting with checking that I actually was speeding by getting the speed camera photo, only to find out that:

I have to pay £10 and get a copy of the photo

I can't get a copy of the photo unless I take the matter to court

If I appeal and take it to court and fail then I might have to pay a fine of £1000 and get 6 penalty points

Taking all this into account - and because I know there is no way I would win in court anyway - I have decided to put up with it and pay up, but it has made me wonder how many other people who are convinced they have been unfairly accused of speeding have just put up with it because they are scared of going to court.

Anyway, from now on I will be taking the precaution of driving at under 30mph everywhere. So I recommend you don't drive behind me, or get a lift with me, if you are in a hurry.

Toaster news

2005-01-21T21:43:00.000Z

I forgot to mention that behind the muffin toast bag is our lovely and shiny new toaster which matches our fancy kettle. I really must find something new to blog about than kitchen implements and shopping.

Impulse shopping

2005-01-21T21:32:00.000Z

Yesterday, John kindly offered to make dinner, but in return I had to go to Somerfield to buy some ingredients. All was fine until I bumped into neighbour Stefan on the street, also going to Somerfield.

And so it was that I went to the shop to buy milk, tomatoes, stock cubes and garlic, and left with white smarties, muffin toast (pictured below) and other random junk. I blame Steve for this as he scared me and made me forget what I was supposed to buy. The muffin toast is Warburtons (obviously) and I have not tried it yet, but do not fear, I will let you know just as soon as I do.

Toasttastic

2005-01-17T14:22:00.000Z

On Saturday night (or was it Sunday morning?) I vaguely remember having a conversation with Paul about toast. Apparently, Emma used to eat toast upside down, with the butter or other topping at the bottom, and said it tasted better. This sounded like utter nonsense to everyone present.

After buying a new toaster on Sunday (to match our fancy new illuminating kettle), I decided to test out this theory. I made my toast, put Tesco brand fake Olivio on it and ate it upside down.

Findings: The toast surprisingly did taste better eaten this way. Not only was there more fake Olivio getting to my tongue, but the side of the toast on my tongue was softer and not as rough. Who would have thought it? I recommend you all try it at breakfast tomorrow.

Kettletainment

2005-01-16T18:24:00.000Z

I'm not entirely sure why the kettle was in the bathroom, but whatever the reason was, it ended in disaster as the kettle fell on the floor and broke. Poor kettle. However, every cloud has a silver lining, and it did mean that we could go and buy ourselves a shiny new kettle.

So off we went to Currys and perused their selection. We were initially undecided, but then caught sight on one which not only boils water, but also lights up the water blue. Decision made, we handed over our money and are now the proud owners of a delightful illuminating kettle, shown below:

Birmingham drinking entertainment

2005-01-16T16:41:00.000Z

Last night we marked the month of birthdays with a joint celebration in Birmingham. Since Gav and myself had already had our own celebrations, it was mainly Gary's night out really.

We started off in Santa Fe restaurant and cocktail bar, where we had nice food and cocktails - margharita and two mojitos (one classic on chocolate) for me. Mmmmmmmmm.... Phoenix and Pete caught up with us here and gave me a fab gift of a coffin 'Nightmare before Chrismas bag'. Cool and very useful for the evening. After cocktails we moseyed on to some pub which name I forget, where Gary pulled some bloke whose name was Dave and who was gay. I know this because he came up to Gary and said "Hello, my name is Dave and I am gay". That was funny, but for some reason not as funny as a story about someone called Gary Greenwell, which made me cry with laughter. I'm not sure why since it wasn't really his name and wasn't that funny anyway.

After pub closing, we headed for the main event - Edwards! After a slight queue we set about buying drinks and exploring. The beer was extremely cheap, which is always a bonus, and the place was full of bizarrely dressed freaks (always a bonus too). We did a fair amount of dancing and a bit of drinking, and some of us made new friends (Tracy?) All in all, much fun was had by all.

After building up an appetite from flailing around, we headed to Shahs, where we had tasty food and Paul continued his tradition of breaking glasses after drinking mojitos by smashing a wine glass, and I also spoke to Mandy on the phone for a while. Shah's called us a taxi at 3.30am, and I thanked them by stealing a nice Cobra glass from the table.

States I will have visited

2005-01-09T13:46:00.000Z

After our summer holiday, if all goes according to plan, our USA states visited map will look something like this:

create your own personalized map of the USA

We never actually slept in Colorado or Utah, but we saw lots of Utah (and drove the width of it) and we will probably never go back to Colorado, so I am including them. Its my project and my rules, OK? We may also not sleep in Conneticut or Rhode Island. Annoyingly, we drove within about five miles of Arkansas, but forgot to go.

Don't worry - I'm still here

2005-01-08T21:46:00.000Z

I know I haven't blogged for a while, but don't you worry, I am still around. I have been a little busy recently, with John's parents visiting for Christmas, nipping up north to see my family after Christmas, getting a new car, having a New Years fancy dress party, and just general festivities.

I have also been doing lots of marking work for Edexcel, in order to pay for our planned summer trip to the states. We booked our flights on Thursday and we are very excited. We will be flying into Boston, staying in a fancy hotel for three nights, and then we have twenty five days to follow the Oregon trail before flying back from Seattle.

It is also the season of the birthday - we went out to Moo and Sugar for Gav's birthday yesterday, its my birthday on Tuesday, we are off to Birmingham next weekend for birthday extravaganza cocktails and rock (rocktails) next Saturday, and its Gary's birthday on Sunday. I am tired. Will this gallivanting never end?

The morning after - an update

2004-12-19T17:40:00.000Z

Yesterday was a wasted day in the extreme. When I blogged early on, I was confident that my magic tablets had prevented a hangover, despite me drinking approx 7000 units of alcohol on Friday night. Well, they did prevent a hangover, but they did not prevent me being sick. In retrospect it was a complete waste of the bacon and hash browns which stayed in my stomach for about twenty five minutes before they came back up again.

At around 7pm when I had caught up on some sleep and recovered slightly, John and I headed out to get some Chinese food and rent a DVD from Choices. I managed to wear outside clothes for around two hours before getting back into my pyjamas and under the duvet to watch Mean Girls (the film, not the girls). Two hours may not seem like much, but its two hours more than I managed the day after the IBM ball last year. Mean Girls was actually quite good, and I got some excellent ideas for revenge (so do not cross me...)

I would say I feel 89% better today, but still not quite right. I think I might have broken my liver. Never drinking again*

*By never drinking again I mean never drinking again until next time I drink

Mr Ford-Hutchinson's world of hats

2004-12-18T13:46:00.000Z

As a tribute to the ever popular Mr Monkey's World of Hats, I have decided to create a blog entry recognising PFH's feelings concerning hats. Sometimes he is puzzled, sometimes he is amazed.

I love you magic tablets

2004-12-18T13:03:00.000Z

Last night/this morning was the IBM dinner dance ball thing, so John and I dressed in our fine clothes and headed off to the Metropole with Tom and Abbi who had kindly offered us a lift. Several other people turned up later, and we embarked on a drinkathon, despite me saying that I wasn't going to drink very much this year.

As a precaution I apologised in advance to everyone at my table for anything I might do or say later, and then set about drinking everything in sight, assuming that because I had taken magic hangover prevention tablets I would be fine in the morning. John's photos tell the story of the night better than I ever could, but I do vaguely remember:

Eating Christmas dinner
Raiding the Next Directory party and leaving with several bottles of wine, various Santa hats and a bucket of beer
Being turned away from the Next Directory party (the cheek of it)
Talking rubbish to a range of people
Drinking wine straight from the bottle
Getting home at around 4.30am and tidying the bedroom

So, in conclusion, I got very very drunk. However, this morning I feel reasonably fine. I am tired and have a slight headache, but other than that no problem. However, this might be because I am still drunk.

Not feeling the best

2004-12-15T17:52:00.000Z

Yesterday was a busy day. I had to get out of bed at 6.30 in the morning (yes, apparently there is a 6.30 in the morning) to catch a train to London for a dull examiner's meeting. The journey was livened up a bit by the train catching fire just outside Bicester. Since most of the people on the train didn't seem to care that smoke was billowing about and engineers were running around I followed their example and ignored it too. It all turned out fine and we got into Marylebone only 30 minutes late. I also entertained myself by giving huge tips to taxi drivers and charging it to Edexcel.

After I got home I only had time for a quick change before picking up MC and joining the drunken IBM/GXS revellers in the Jug where they continued their Christmas themed all day drinking session. All the usual people were there, and I met a few new people including Gav's friend Jessie who had come all the way from India to hang out with us. As I had some catching up to do I started drinking pints like there was no tomorrow and managed to get very drunk very quickly. I have some vague and fuzzy memories of jamming people in a phonebox, Paul throwing things about, talking rubbish to Tom and going for a curry. I believe I have Barker to thank for that brilliant idea.

In conclusion: I got drunk, stuff happened and I didn't feel too good this morning. Never drinking again.

Low quality pubs of Leamington Spa #1

2004-12-06T21:47:00.000Z

On Saturday night several of us went to the grand re-opening of the LDB (Lock Dock and Barrel if you are not aware). Its the closest pub to our house and so we had high hopes of a nice, cheap place to hang out in with some foxy ladies for Steve to eye up.

It was packed, and still had bizarre quotes and brands painted on the walls from when it was run by some woman. It now appears to be run by the Portugese bloke who owns the deli next door and several amateurs who don't know the cost of their own drinks and run out of change. Mind you, there were free samosas on offer which were very tasty.

So after everyone had turned up we all wandered down to the Jug which isn't exactly a major trek from our house either. Tom kindly lent me his coat as I had been following Steve's example and wandering around outside in December in a tshirt, which I now realise is stupid. We remained in the Jug for the rest of the night, impressed by their dark walls, accurate pricing and availability of change. Lack of free food was a small price to pay.

Mr Monkey's world of hats

2004-12-04T16:55:00.000Z

Whilst surfing the internet today I stumbled upon this site which I just had to share. It seems someone has a lot of time on their hands. I think the monkey should get together with the hat wearing bear to discuss hats, swap hat care tips and such and such.

Normal drinking service resumes

2004-12-04T13:27:00.000Z

I knew that this lack of going out drinking wouldn't last forever, and I had an inkling that it would start again in December - well known as the month of parties.

So last night I was looking forward to a quiet night in watching "I'm a Celebrity..." when Laura phoned to see if we fancied going for a few drinks. After a bit of negotiation about who, when, where, what and why, me John and Steve met Laura in Pizza hut for a very CSI pizza. By very CSI I mean free since Steve had won a meal for four at the Well quiz and he shared it with us. What a nice man.

After our pizzas and a couple of bottles of wine we headed to the Jug where we continued to drink. In a typical Leamington way we saw several people we knew, including Jo who lives above our kitchen, Rosie from work and her boyfriend who drives a digger. John was very jealous.

After we were thrown out of the jug at midnight we wandered back to our house where we drank a little more and played Singstar2. Laura and Steve left (suspiciously) at the same time at around 2am.

Just to get you up to date

2004-11-30T17:39:00.000Z

Its been a while since I have written anything in here. This is mainly down to two reasons:

I haven't done that much worth writing about, and
When I have done something worth writing about I've not got round to it

In order to get you, the reader, up to date, I shall summarise. I have.... been shopping in Birmingham... been drinking in the jug with John, Gaz, MC and the mysterious Mandy... bought Singstar2... sung Singstar2... got a sore throat from singing Singstar2 too much... drunk much wine... been to see Joanna Newsom... been for curry at Kismet with John, Gaz, MC and Laura... watched 'I'm a Celebrity' on TV a bit too much... been Christmas shopping in Leam... impulse bought a new sofa and chair... been to the pub quiz at the New Inn with John and Gav (didn't win but got free food)

I think thats everything. I'm sure December will be much more interesting.

Trip to London Village

2004-11-17T21:31:00.000Z

On Friday, me, John and Laura went to London Village to see Cake and The Decemberists. We had booked a Novotel for me and John to stay in (Laura was being chauffeured home to her parents house that night, and so had no need of a hotel room.) Either Lastminute or Novotel had messed up and lost our booking, which I think was probably down to the Hamlet of London not having adequate telecommunications links yet - bless. After a minor wait we got sorted out with a room and I managed to blag two day's worth of free breakfasts for compensation. Very tasty and very CSI.

Cake and The Decemberists were good, even though Shepherd's Bush Empire was full of Americans, and the world's tallest man with the world's biggest hair was stood in front of me. Tall people really should be more considerate and either a) kneel throughout or b) cut their legs off at the knees before attending these kind of events.

On Saturday, John and I went to Woolwich to visit Ajay and Iciar's new house. We joined them and some Spanish friends, who I vaguely remember from their wedding, in a trip to Camden. We had to leave them at around four to buy some jumpers and scarves, and meet Sean and Karen by the Thames in order to watch some fireworks and go to dinner. The fireworks were spectacular and our Chinese dinner was yummy.

On Sunday we went to the Whitechapel Gallery to see some bizarre drawings by Paul Noble. The man is off his trolley I tell you, but his pictures are good, and must have taken ages and cost a fortune in pencils. I was a bit confused by one room where we had to remove our shoes in order to enter and look at an egg with drawings on it. Mad, mad, mad.

Anyhow, after our cultured art viewing we decided we were very tired and headed towards Marylebone station to catch our train. We then headed to Paddington when we found out that no trains to Leamington were leaving form Marylebone. Honestly, its not like many trains go from London in a day, you would have thought they could sort it out. We eventually escaped London, armed with magazines and train snacks to keep us busy, and had a very uneventful train journey to our home, where we then chilled for the rest of the evening.

One less problem

2004-11-10T21:18:00.000Z

Normally its really hard to park outside Canal House, but since Monday its been a lot easier. Its almost as if its one sixth easier.

The truth is out

2004-11-09T10:34:00.000Z

So very true... If I don't spend hours with the grease paint I look like this. Terrifying.

The day lunch lasted 12 hours

2004-11-07T11:32:00.000Z

Yesterday, me and John decided we would like to eat lunch in town. We contacted Laura who told us she was already meeting some other friends in the Lounge and we decide to join them. Steve came too, after we convinced him that it is not going to turn into an all day drinking session.

We had a nice lunch, and then decide to have another couple of beers in the Hogshead, one or two in the Star and Garter and Mackys, before moving on to the Sausage. When we were in the Sausage John had, for reasons best known to himself, set fire to a straw. It was all highly amusing until some molten plastic fell on my hand, burning through about 5 layers of skin. How we laughed and continued drinking.

Finally, we went to the Bowling Green and before we knew it the time was approaching 10pm. At this point we decided the only possible sensible thing to do would be to buy a 24 pack of Chang beer and some kebabs and go back to ours to play bongos. After some drinking, posing, and random horseplay (including fun with chocolate biscuits, Steve declaring himself President of Canal House and John doing the hoovering), we managed to get rid of Steve around 2am. Laura was in no fit state to walk home (she could barely walk upstairs, truth be told) and so she slept in our spare room.

Technically it wasn't classed as all day drinking since we were home before 11. Yes, we continued to drink beer there, but I don't make the rules.

Playing with fire(works)

2004-11-07T10:30:00.000Z

On Friday night we joined lots of other people at Suzanne and JV's house for fireworks night celebrations. I had been given the task of buying £75 worth of fireworks from Jordans on behalf of John, Gary and JV. When asked the size of the garden we were going to set them off in, I had truthfully* said 'massive - at least 100m', and so had been sold a load of display fireworks.

So, in general, the firework lighting went well with no major incident. Oh, except for a fair few falling over and sending fire balls into the fence, several landing in the neighbour's garden and people sending some sausages and scotch eggs into space (best place for them really). John and JV did the majority of the lighting, totally ignoring the 'bury this in the ground before lighting' instructions and instead propping them up with other fireworks. Alcohol and fireworks - a winning combination.

*by truthfully I mean untruthfully

Do it the mortal way

2004-11-05T17:29:00.000Z

As I was playing on Donkey Konga last night (with Paul's bongos and Stefan's Gamecube - there's sharing for you) I was half listening in to a conversation between John and our friend Sean. I heard John say something like "Do you have broadband?.... right, well, I can't send you MP3s... hmm... I don't see any way I can get the music to you then". He put the phone down, and joined me playing Donkey Konga, which I used to think was called Donkey Bongos - a much better name for it I think.

Anyhow, I digress... About an hour later, John had a brainwave. How did people send other people music in the olden days? I remember! They used the Royal Mail to send things made out of paper called envelopes and they actually put things in them. Like CDs. How quaint. John phoned Sean back to inform him he was going to send the music on a CD the Mortal Way. Karen answered the phone to give the address and such and such, so I hope Sean isn't too shocked to receive non-electronic correspondance. Apparantly it can take upwards of 24 hours for a parcel to get delivered. The olden days were hell - I really don't know how we put up with it.

Question: Are hotdogs scary?

2004-11-01T22:43:00.000Z

This weekend John and I travelled to Blackwood in the depths of Wales somewhere to attend a Halloween party at then home of Chris Roper, director of Pug Fugly games, and his wife Rae. We took along two high quality films which we had found for £5 in Fopp - "Zombie Holocaust" and "Zombie Nosh".

So we spent a happy Friday evening eating curry, carving pumpkins (mine and Johns was the best - fact) and watching Zombie Holocaust. The film sucked, but everything else was high quality fun. Saturday was the big Halloween party, and everyone made a huge effort to look horrific, apart from the host who dressed as a hotdog. The highlight of the party was when Chris decided that if his mate ate any catfood, then he would eat twice as much. This led to Chris eating around 50 grams of Whiskas and almost being sick.... and then really being sick in the morning. High quality entertainment.

More Thursday drinking

2004-10-29T13:13:00.000+01:00

In a break from the normal routine we went out drinking last night (I know - drinking on a Thursday...) John, Paul, Steve and me wandered up to Cuba via the Avenue and the Newbold Bar and Brasserie.

We had a quick one in Cuba, caught up with various other people, found out that Suzanne and JV are engaged (congratulations!) and said goodbye to Matt Baxter as the little fella is leaving. Several people made fun of Steve's jumper (those people are mean - its a nice jumper) and John and Paul went back to the Newbold for one while I headed off to the Well with Steve, Rich and Naomi. After a nightmare getting served I headed over to the Jug, as Paul said he didn't want to go to the Well because its open until 1am and he didn't want to drink too late because he had to pack.

Bearing this in mind, me, John and Paul headed back to ours so Paul could ring a taxi. We drank wine and discussed G-Force until 3am and then Paul walked home. Wonder if he got his packing done.

Bring it on, Kenilworth

2004-10-28T00:19:00.000+01:00

Tonight, me and John took a trip to Kenilworth to meet up with our friends Steve Salt and Ev. We chose to socialise in the Green Man pub and partake in their Wednesday night quiz. I was a bit concerned as last time we had done the quiz there, it had been gay in the extreme, involving snakes and ladders and all kinds of unnecessary things that you just don't need.

We had a go at the quiz anyway, which began with an anagrams round - no problemo! We did reasonably well in the Crime and Punishment and the Animals rounds, and by the time the Trivia round was scored we realised that amazingly we were in with a shout. The Animation round was a bit of a problem, as we had expected questions about the Simpsons and Futurama, but got lots of Disney questions. We enlisted the help of the mysterious Derek and his encyclopedic knowledge of Aladdin and it all came out OK. The final round was History, but luckily Stefan was at hand to help out by text, and he redeemed himself for all his Newcastle gloating gayness of the last week by informing us that the Beatles were given an MBE in 1965 and the Gunpowder plot was in 1605.

We won the quiz by one point (thanks Stef/Derek!) and got ourselves a bottle of wine. Sweet - but not as sweet as the £180 going to the winner of the 'Play your cards right' game. That so is not right.

Get it right

2004-10-25T14:01:00.000+01:00

Steve today wrote:

"Anyhoo, to cut a long story short, the 2nd half was thrilling, exciting and everything you would expect from the entertainers. We won 3-2, scoring the winner in the last 60 seconds of injury time"

Calls himself a Newcastle supporter? He can't even get the final score right. It was 4-3.

Free beer - not necessarily a good thing

2004-10-25T12:06:00.000+01:00

Last night John and I joined Steve to go to the Well quiz. We joined up with several other people to form the team of "Jim Bowen's Love Child".

As usual we ambled through the rounds, doing better on some than others, but not coming top in any and so not winning any goodies. That all changed on the fourth round where we tied with some girly team. For the tie breaker, John had to stuff as many cream crackers in his mouth as possible. He did very well, managing to eat about 14, although the girls cheated and claimed he had only eaten 10 or something. The quizmaster saw sense and allowed both teams to win the prize - as many free pints as could be pulled in one minute.

Steve was nominated to be our pint puller, and it seemed he'd done this before as he had the knack. He managed to pull around 15 pints which came back to our table and were drunk astoundingly quickly. It all gets a bit blurry from then on - I think we came second in the quiz, I believe we shouted a lot at the open mic singers, and I have a sore arm this morning so I'm pretty sure Steve hit me several times (he hits girls - he's mean).

Cheating Geordie Scum

2004-10-25T11:47:00.000+01:00

Yesterday, neighbour was set against neighbour as Newcastle United took on Manchester City. I was convinced that after City's (lucky) battering of Chelsea last week they would win around 7-0. Steve sent me a link to Metro Radio - the world's most biased radio station - so I could listen, as the game wasn't on the TV or on Radio 5.

Everything was fine for the first half - a draw would have been fine. However, in the second half it all went a bit mad and Newcastle cheated their way into a 2-0 lead (penalties and free kicks aren't real goals). The brave City boys fought back to 2-2, and Steve got extremely abusive over msn. Newcastle somehow cheated their way to 3-2 (yes, another free kick), but obviously City equalised again fairly. Unfortunately, it seems the ref was either blind or as had been paid off, as he allowed Newcastle to score the winner.

I had predicted the right number of goals, but the wrong order. Still, City had the moral victory. I resolved never to speak to Steve again, but then John went to play hovercrafts with him. Traitor.

Really?

2004-10-24T12:57:00.000+01:00

I think he is protesting a little too much.

Quiet night in - that was the plan

2004-10-23T16:25:00.000+01:00

Yesterday John and I were looking forward to a quiet night in as I was tired and he was ill. Steve next door, who is renowned for leading us astray when drinking had also said he was going to chill and have a quiet night in.

So after having a msn discussion about this at approx 4.30pm, me John, Steve and Laura found ourselves in TJs drinking cocktails at 5.30pm - not the usual start to a quiet night in I am sure you will agree. The quiet night in never did materialise, and although every pint was intended to be the last one, we managed to stay out until closing time. Our adventures included going to the Jug where we saw Gaz and MC, Millennium Balti where Steve abused the waiter for not getting 25p off his beer, the Well where we saw Jesus again, and the Avenue where we saw a small child in an apron and flat cap.

We sauntered back to Canal House at around midnight and invited Steve in for a small drink. He used my laptop in order to masquerade as me on msn and randomly abuse people, John dug out and played a bizarre version of 'Our Tune' and the boys drank whisky while I drank beer. Steve left at around 1.30am. In conclusion, if a quiet night in involves going out drinking for eight hours then we did well. Otherwise we failed miserably.

Website fun

2004-10-23T01:26:00.000+01:00

This afternoon I had my 1pm class. I assumed the lads wouldn't be bothered to do a great deal of work since it was their last lesson before half term, so imagine my surprise when one of them said they really wanted to do their presentation today.

So, projector hooked up, class sitting expectantly, student presents this website. Its funny, yes, but what makes it the best website ever is the fact that Robert (small one in blue shirt) is a member of the group. He had managed to keep these photos to himself for two years before they were stumbled upon. We all (except Robert) laughed so hard that we nearly died. Is it the best website ever? Even though presenting student didn't meet any criteria, I am tempted to give him an A grade for entertainment.

Later in the lesson another student mentioned that he enjoyed this site. Is there no end to this groups' talents in amusing website spotting?

Strangely political...

2004-10-20T18:07:00.000+01:00

This afternoon I attended a Higher Education meeting at work (you see, I do have a job - and occasionally do work there). Normally I just fall asleep or doodle in these meetings, but today it was quite interesting.

As you may or may not know, from 2006 students will have to pay up to £3000 a year to attend university or HE colleges. These institutions will be able to charge whatever they like up to the maximum of £3000, and will have the power to charge different students different rates for the same course. Interesting... So what is expected to happen is that when they fail to fill their courses with full fee students they will have special 'clearing sales' in August. One student in a lecture may well be paying three times as much as another student on the same course - a bit like buying airline tickets. Now, is it just me or does that seem a bit wrong?

Also, it seems that student grants are making a comeback. Means-tested payments of up to £2500 a year and not a loan - just like the old days. But hang on, in the old days students didn't graduate £12000 in debt with tuition fees alone, did they? What is the point, I mean, really, what is the point??

Trip to Birmingham Academy

2004-10-18T19:24:00.000+01:00

Last night I joined several people to watch GLC at the Birmingham Academy. I had my doubts, as John had bought me the ticket when I had not heard anything by them, and therefore did not understand approx 97% of the conversations going on around me.

I thought I'd better put a bit of effort into listening to some of their stuff since I'd invested £10 in seeing them. I listened to John's ipod for an afternoon and got the general gist of it. My initial opinion was that they were patchy - although the stuff I found funny was very, very funny. I also entered into the general spirit of things by purchasing a nylon leisure wear top from H&M for £4.99. Bargain.

So off we went to Birmingham - a little worse for wear after John's birthday extravaganza - and after listening to the support acts I was expecting the worst. The Chain did turn out to be very entertaining however, and it really did look like they were making money through having a laugh and prancing around, which you have to respect. I recognised most of the stuff, and it was the stuff that I had found funny, so it all worked out well.

This morning, when I was teaching my HND class, one of the students asked me if I was at the Birmingham Academy last night - because he'd seen me there. Seems he thinks I am such a cool teacher now that he hadn't wanted to embarrass me by saying hello to me in front of my friends. Which I am, obviously.